CONFESSION...
One of the reasons I didn't come to the Lord was because…I’m not a hypocrite. I’ve ALWAYS hated it. It’s a pet peeve of mine! However, it’s not unfamiliar to me. As an adult, for YEARS, I was one. I LOATHED IT! I was saying one thing and doing another. I hated going to church, serving and living a lie. I was a liar; a cheater; a manipulator. I was a hypocrite. But God STILL had mercy on my soul.
WHAT IS HYPOCRISY...
According to the Cambridge Dictionary it is,
“A situation in which someone pretends to believe something that they do not really believe, or that is the opposite of what they do or say at another time: There's one rule for you and another rule for everyone else”.
DON’T BE A HYPOCRITE!
When I was 16, I joined a gospel choir when I lived in New Jersey, I witnessed my peers who said they loved the Lord and were saved…shouting, dancing, falling out but they were having sex with each other and all that stuff…in the choir! It just didn’t look like they were following Jesus to me.
I loved being in the gospel choir! I was by no mean’s following the Lord at that time. However, I’ve always been an observer; an information sponge. I watch what people do, not what they say. I’ve always believed truth and sincerity come from the heart.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand what was going on in that choir because I was saying to myself, “Isha, you’re 16 and if they’re doing all the things you’re doing and saying they’re saved…you’re in the same boat. So, ummm, I’mma stay right here til the Lord, sweet baby Jesus comes to me and says daughter…come ye hither”
ARE YOU COMMITTED?...
Early on, I fully decided that if I’m going to live this thing for Jesus, I’m going to live it all out LOUD not holding anything back. So, I waited…and waited…and waited….and watched. Not them, but I watched the Lord’s hand on my life and what He was doing. He brought me through things you wouldn’t even believe. It was ONLY God who saw me through.
Just one of the experiences that rocked my world was when I was 9 years old. My oldest sister was murdered at 18 by a serial killer on September 11, 1986 (my mother was kidnapped and murdered that day as well).
When I got home from school, I went up my playhouse in the attic because we were looking all around for them both. There, I saw my oldest sister lying there, lifeless. I tried to figure out how to wake her up. She looked at peace and asleep so I didn’t know she was dead at the time. I said to myself, “If I can just get this cord from my Easy Bake Oven unwrapped from around her neck, she’ll wake up. Nevertheless, history was written. I couldn’t fix it. She was gone. My baby sister Meagan, who was just 3 months old, was home while all of this was happening. My big brother, Willie, Jr. got home first and was perplexed not finding our mom and older sister.
THE BEGINNINGS…
When I was 8, I went to a Pentecostal church with one of our neighbors in Port Arthur, Texas. Mrs. Cohee took me with her (God rest her soul). During that service, they had us get on our knees in front of one of those old wooden church benches while they prayed. At that time, I didn’t know what was going on, but it was interesting. It seemed strange to me. Everyone was praying, speaking in tongues, and crying out. A lot of people would’ve been freaked out. But my sense of curiosity kept me tuned in.
I SAW JESUS…AND HIS TRAIN FILLED THE TEMPLE – ISAIAH 6:1
“In the year of the death of king Uzziah, I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted-up; and his train filled the temple. - Isaiah 6:1
I saw God’s presence. I had no idea what I was experiencing. He came in the form of a cloud, and I could literally see Him in the room. I had never witnessed anything like that before.
My family is Christian Baptists. However, when we lived in Port Arthur, Texas, we didn’t go to church When we moved to Marshall church was MANDATORY, because looka here, Mrs. Annye Mae Fisher (God rest her soul) was NOT playin’! If you lived under Mr. and Mrs. Richard Fisher’s roof, you were going to church. Non-negotiable. Nuff said. No debates.
TIME TWO…
The next time I experienced the Lord was when I was ten at Pine Grove Baptist Church. However, it wasn’t my direct experience. It was through my MomAunty Annye during a revival. I could definitely feel God’s presence. Her experience let me know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was REAL!
Toward the end of the service. The preacha was preachin’! We were all praying. But Annye began to have a different encounter…it was a move of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t know that then though. The Spirit of God fell on her and it could not be contained. To her, it was just like Jeremiah…FIRE shut up in her bones (Jeremiah 20:9). She was crying aloud, and it was POWERFUL! Again, I wasn’t afraid. I understood that perhaps it was because our family had just gone through one of the most tragic and devastating events of our lives. She was inconsolable. But I knew God was doing His thing. Maybe she hadn’t grieved in full, but needed God to heal her heart and that night and I believe He did!
TIME THREE…
Fast forward to age 14...
That was next time I experienced the Lord I’ll NEVER forget. Momma B, Ms. Ann Bowens, who was one of my life friends mother (God rest Alecia’s soul). They’d invited me to a Gospel Music Workshop at Childress Deliverance Temple. The workshop was led by Momma B and vocalists Ricky and Karen Green. They are all amazing singers! At the time, Ricky and Karen were training one of my other life friends and sisters in the Lord, Trisha Green.
She was 11 or 12 at the time. At the conclusion of the workshop, we did a concert. Trish led a song. Her first solo. Nobody in the building knew what was coming. When I tell you…I can’t even describe it. Her voice was from HEAVEN. This girl sang the roof off of the building.
To this day, she still does it. She is AMAZING! (By the way, check her out on YouTube)
Back to the story…
It was in the early ‘90s. Trish sang “Lamb of God”. And man, whew, my God. At age 12, her voice was so powerful. You could only attribute it to the Lord and His angels. They simply sat with us there. So, that was my 3rd time experiencing Jesus.
TIME FOUR…
Fast forward, I’m now 17/18 years old and have developed my own hunger for the Lord. Didn’t know what it was, but I knew I was famished in my soul for something. In my search to try to satisfy my thirst for more, I joined a gospel group, Trini and Company. I had by no means committed my life to the Lord at that time. But, I made it in the group and was a part of the alto section. This group was amazing and I loved it! We travelled all over, nationally and internationally. It seemed to me, they were saved for real!
As young people, all in High School, they were committed to Jesus. Not perfect, but loved the Lord and you could tell. My younger sister in the faith, Trisha’s, sister Sharonda had been witnessing to me since Junior High School. I used to tell her, “girl, I do not wanna hear about no Jesus OK”…but she was committed to telling me about Jesus and to come to her church, Childress Deliverance Temple!
After some time of being in the group in April/May 1995, I began attending her church. Again, not committed, but curious. The school year was ending and I was on my way to Lamar University in the fall down in Beaumont, Texas. Me, Alecia and Lyne rocked the summer, having fun and enjoying life. We were all in the group. There were times we’d sit in Alecia’s car singing and worshiping. Then there were times I’d be doing a whole lotta other things…Hey…I wasn’t committed to Jesus yet! Nevertheless, my love for Him was growing.
LORD, I’M COMING…
I was preparing for college July/April 1995. I was in a “relationship” if you could call it that. I believed I was in love with him, but he wasn’t with me. He was confused. Didn’t know if he wanted the other girl or me. One night, we went to the fair in the city and Lord Jesus, the aftermath was a disaster. The young lady and I had an encounter. It wasn’t pretty, however, he protected me from her for some reason. Perhaps, he cared for me some. Anyway, we eventually parted ways. My heart was crushed. I didn’t know where to turn…but I knew there was an answer.
JESUS, I’M STILL COMING…
PLEASE WAIT FOR ME!
I continued going to church at Childress Temple and on, August 13, 1995, I surrendered my life to Jesus. In my brokenness. My pain. My heartbreak. My confusion. I gave up and said “Lord, heal me.” It was there, at that altar, His majestic work began in my heart.
He was looking at the inner parts; the intricate details of my heart; the years of damage, the pain in my soul. From child molestation, to the loss of my mother and eldest sister, to moving suddenly from our home, to the unknown, to the feelings of abandonment and rejection. The list goes on. But the Lord specializes.
GOING FORWARD…
My focus for 2024 is walking in truth and self-love, not self-worship; that’s not Godly. There’s a distinct difference.
As we’ve seen with Katt Williams in recent interviews, he says, it’s the season of truth. I’ve been saying that since last year when I started setting my goals for the coming year as I do annually in September/October.
THE TRUTH...
Tell it. Use it. Walk in it… with diplomacy, couth, and tact. Besides, again, that is the Lord’s way. In the scriptures it says:
Ephesians 4:15
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become, in every respect, the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
AS I CONCLUDE…
Emanate the Lord in your daily life. Know that it’s a journey, keeping in mind, you’re not perfect; no one is.
Proverbs 24:16
"For a just man falls seven times and rises up again: but the wicked will fall into mischief.” –
Be truthful.
Be beautiful....Inside and out.
Be honest.
AND...
DON’T BE A HYPOCRITE!