In my last blog, “WOMAN ON THE RUN…Who Are You?”, I talked about the path to self-discovery and how it is not easy. The TRUTH is, at times, IT’S DOWNRIGHT PAINFUL…both to yourself and to the people around you who are watching you go through the process. It really is a birthing process.
To me, being born-again was easier. Walking with Daddy has been a sweet and loving relationship between a father and his daughter. At its inception, days were like the dew in the morning; the presence of God gently rested on my heart. I longed for my Father God daily. The beauty of this relationship was and has been breathtaking. As with any child who grows in age, I’ve at times walked off the path and done my own thing. This left me lost and wanting. Yet, He has gently guided me back onto the path.
I will admit, I have certainly not been the best daughter. There have been times that I have been downright ugly and nasty as a child; rebellious and angry; back talking and bitter…the list goes on. Nevertheless, my Daddy (both my Heavenly Father and earthly one) allowed me to openly and honestly express myself. Whether I’m expressing words of love or strife, I’m grateful that I can JUST BE HONEST in whatever tone or in whatever key. In my heart, I know when I’m on the verge of going too far, then I shut up. However, a good parent knows that any child whose voice is stifled will only find a place and person to express it to.
In my opinion, it’s important that we give people the safety and security they need to know IT’S OK to say what’s on their hearts…unfiltered. Allow an individual the freedom of expression without anger, backlash or a judgmental tone in response to their expression and you’ll see better fruit than when that freedom is withheld. When you shut the mouth of someone who trusts your influence, they will find a place to express it; it just may not be to you anymore. I can’t iterate that enough!
BEING AUTHENTIC…
As far back as I could remember, I was a Punky Brewster kind of girl. A little bit eccentric, I’m a natural and free flowing girl with a T-Boz and Left Eye vibe going from the R&B Group TLC. My nature allows people to be WHO they are when they are around me. I try to accept people where they are and with whatever I have, I offer them encouragement and a different perspective. This, at times, lends to me being a “YES” person. Which means, in general I will say YES to things ask of me. It also means, I HAVE TO set firm boundaries with my time; those with whom I spend it; with my space; those I allow in it and with my resources because relationships are an investment of time, money and energy. Good, healthy relationships make using your time, space and resources a joy.
Desiring Perfection...
I also desire perfection and excellence. My strive for perfection has gotten me in a lot of trouble at times over the years. For example, in my early years of life transformation, I prided myself in memorizing scriptures quickly and easily. Unfortunately, I often used them as rocket launchers and daggers to cut people with. Through lots of bumps, bruises and broken relationships, I came to realize God is perfect in ALL OF HIS WAYS…I AM NOT. One of my very dear life-friends used to tell me “Being Holy Spirit, Jr. is a hard job.” (Thank you Candi).
My tendency to lean towards “perfection” led me to come across as judgmental which caused me to hurt family, friends and people that I loved. At times it drove them AWAY from the Cross of Christ rather than towards Him. I’m grateful, that with age has come grace and wisdom. When they have missed each other and ignorance abounded in my life, GRACE stood up even more and took over.
BEING UNAPOLOGETIC…
Now, this one has been hardest. I’ve just begun to walk into NOT APOLOGIZING for being Isha Von Gretchen Hudson Miller. For years, I lived with a “sorry-heart”. It felt like I was often regretful for EVERYTHING; which is where being sorry or sorrowful comes in. I felt that way even when I’d not done anything wrong or if I thought someone felt that I’d done wrong, regardless of whether it was true or not. When I say BE UNAPOLOGETIC, I mean don’t allow yourself to feel badly for simply being who God created and designed you to be.
Coming into this place hasn’t been easy but being here is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! The road has been oh so bumpy and filled with treacherous terrain, yet, I’m grateful to be here. I was talking to a friend recently and as they began sharing their heart, I could hear their frustration with the situation and at the same time I could hear the love they had for the individuals they were speaking of. I’d often hear them apologizing for having these feelings and sharing them so candidly. I just listened and prayed for them and the situation as they talked. It was OK. I did my best to assure them that there was NO JUDGEMENT in this conversation. I could appreciate the skill and quote I learned at Mesa Springs during our Group Sessions and that was “This is a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE”.
I remember days of sharing my heart with people who I trusted to help me. I was open and honest with them only to have my words come back at me in a tone that made me regret sharing. I promised to never do that to another person if given a chance to do things differently. If someone trusts you with their honesty please don’t take that openness as an opportunity to jab them with their truth.
BE UNAPOLOGETIC TO YOURSELF…
Let me be VERY CLEAR…I DO NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD NOT APOLOGIZE TO OTHERS! If you’ve offended or hurt someone, please, with all you’ve got, do what you can while you still have breath in your body to apologize to them. If you’ve been graced with another day, use THAT day to make it right with someone you’ve offended or if you are offended by someone else.
The bible says with all that is in you live peaceably with all people (Romans 12:18). If you know that you’ve offended a brother or a sister or if YOU ARE OFFENDED, leave your gift at the altar and go and make peace with your brother or sister (Matthew 5:24); meaning don’t sacrifice to God before you’ve made up with your fellow woman or man. DO IT NOW! Like, really…stop reading right here and now…and take a moment to think about someone you’ve possibly offended or who you may be offended by in your heart and GO AND TRY TO SINCERELY MAKE IT RIGHT.
NOW…TAKE FLIGHT!
Life is like a flight. On this flight you have FLIGHT ATTENDANTS, which includes the Pilot. These are people in your life who can see things from a different point of view and often times see a situation better than you. These are the two to three people who advise you. It could be your parents, best friend (or close friend), sister/brother, therapist/counselor or a Pastor. I suggest having more than one person who advises you because in the multitude of counsel, there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). I’m grateful that the advisors I have all speak with one voice and I share openly with each of them. At the conclusion of it, there is NO CONFUSION and that is a tremendous blessing. When there is CONFUSION, that is a BIG RED FLAG that something is off and you need to recalibrate.
Your FLIGHT ATTENDANTS are like Gauges of Life that tell you that you are on the right path. However, your Flight Attendants (Advisors) should only confirm what has been spoken to you in your heart by the Father. You wouldn’t board a flight not having a destination in mind. Trust yourself. Trust that YOU can make wise decisions. On the journey to being AUTHENTICALLY and UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU, ask yourself first does a choice or decision line up with what YOU truly know that YOU LIKE or at its core, is it something that YOU DO NOT LIKE. Make sure it lines up with God’s voice inside of YOU. Then when it all checks are clear…TAKE FLIGHT…WITHOUT FEAR! Be on your way to being your most AUTHENTIC AND UNAPOLOGETIC SELF.
It’s OK, it REALLY is…