Isha Miller
- Apr 1, 2020
- 5 min read

The Stress Factor: Handling Stress in Troubling Times

One of the reasons for creating “ISHA I Am Woman” is to EQUIP the Woman with tools and resources for emotional and behavioral health. Additionally, the focus is to ENLIGHTEN the Woman to her true potential as an agent of change and to EMPOWER her has she discovers purpose.

As we glare into the days ahead that will include extended social changes in response to COVID-19, this will have a lasting impact globally. Undoubtedly, it will shape and mold how we do life for a long time. Every person especially our children, has been adversely affected. The impact of the novel Coronavirus is far reaching and will reverberate throughout history as a pivotal change in many of our lives. We are developing a new normal.

One of the reasons I chose to focus on emotional and behavioral health with “ISHA I Am Woman” is because I realized that much of the behavioral responses in my adulthood were shaped by the trauma I experienced as a child. Those experiences left me with feelings of neglect and fears of abandonment. Therefore, I focus on the effect of childhood abuse, neglect and trauma on adult behavior.

At the peak of my childhood trauma, when I was nine years old, I went through the kidnapping death of my mother and eighteen-year-old sister by a serial killer. However, before age nine, I had already experienced child molestation. My earliest recollection of this abuse began at age seven and continued until I was fourteen.

I received counseling throughout those years to help me cope day to day. As I mentioned in my blog, “DIVORCE: Let’s Talk About It”, I should have continued the counseling I was receiving in my early adolescence through the completion of high school. However, at fourteen another set of challenges emerged…high school, young womanhood, hormones and loads of confusion.

Just before I went to college, I gave my life to Christ and began seeking personal mentors to help me navigate through life at eighteen. My mentors (I called both of them Mother/Mom), were older, wiser women who were very patient with me over the years. I am eternally grateful for both of them. However, I truly needed professional counseling and a deeper level of therapy, which Mom suggested, and I later took on.

Now, listen…I get it. It’s not easy getting to the place of saying “I Need Help!”. Most times, stress and extreme difficulty thrusts us into that place. For me, saying “I need help!” was scary. It was embarrassing and humiliating. It was costly (thankfully, I had insurance. Many do not). I did not know where to go or where to begin. But I also realized, I WAS WORTH IT, and YOU ARE WORTH IT too!

At the end of this blog I will provide a list of counselors and behavioral health resources for anyone who would like to consider getting help. I understand that in the present economic climate it may not be feasible to hire or visit a counselor.

Here are three practical tools I have used to help me stay grounded and relieve stress and anxiety. These are useful for adults and children.

1. I Got It Out! A wise man once told me “Pressure bursts pipes.” I’ve always loved to write. As a child I was taught to journal or write down my heart matters in my daily diary. All my thoughts and ideas that I didn’t want to share with anyone, I had to get them out somehow. I wrote them down and later went back to read them. That helped me to gauge my progress and development. This way, I didn’t have to tell anyone or talk to anyone about what was on my mind if I wasn’t ready. I just had to get it out and away from my heart. Maybe your child or you don’t prefer to write. Perhaps you can consider drawing, dancing or singing, etc. Whatever your creative expression; the goal is to just GET IT OUT.

2. I Got The Picture. There was a bigger picture at work in my life. As an adult, I often had difficulty seeing it. I had to learn to own my feelings while not sugarcoating them and acting as if they did not exist. Here is how I started to get the picture for myself. When I was stressed, I acknowledged I was stressed. When I was anxious, I recognized it and accepted I was anxious. When I was down or battling with depression, I felt the feeling and took the time when I could and wrote out my feelings or called someone. When I was tired, I said, “I’m tired” and then took some time to rest. To handle these things, I often used step three. However, when I was in denial and refused to acknowledge those emotions, I suffered. Denial was the hidden danger destroying me. I had to learn to cast my cares where they belonged. The bible says to “Cast your cares upon me for I care for you.” (I Peter 5:7) and “Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30). I decided to own my truth. The more I ignored the emotional ailments, the more time I gave negative emotions to fester and grow in my heart and those negative emotions were expressed in bad choices and bad behavior. When I got the bigger picture, it helped me handle my emotions and change my behavior. These actions laid the foundation for developing internal health and strength.

3. I Got A Partner. The old cliché goes “Misery loves company”, but happiness also loves company. None of us were created or designed to live alone and in stress, chaos or turmoil. Jesus had twelve disciples. Even Jesus did not walk through life alone. I’m by no means advocating sharing every feeling or emotion openly with everyone. Your personal struggles should be shared with close advisors and counselors to help you grow and get better. However, partnership is necessary. A partner can be your spouse, a parent or a trusted friend/colleague but by all means link up with someone who can give you sound counsel or just listen when you need them. Ecclesiastes says; “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 9:4-12