It’s taken me a long time to write this. It felt very uncomfortable trying to get this out. It was such an internal battle. I believe because self-discovery is incredibly hard. To accept and embrace who you are can be a real struggle because it’s so much bigger than you can imagine.
Even as I was preparing to publish this blog, I’ve had to walk away SEVERAL times. I’ve put it down. I've said, "I don't want to do this. I don't want to BE this person...I don't want to be her...I don't want it at all!"
I was a WOMAN ON THE RUN.
What was I running from?
I was running from me; running from who I knew God created me to be. I've always known deep inside that there was something AMAZING I was supposed to do. What was it though?
Why was I running?
Sleepless nights are no fun at all. I didn't want to be up all night. I didn't want the anxiety that came with this journey. I didn't want to think about what happened to me; to my family. I didn't want to think about the death and the destruction that came with the losses and trauma I'd experienced. Even the wrong choices I made in my adulthood. I did't want to think about any of it. I just wanted to be a NORMAL CHICK; just be A REGULAR GIRL ya know. (That's when I heard God laugh!)
Interestingly, God's timing is very ironic. As I was writing this blog, I began doing some research on the man who committed the kidnapping and murder of my mother and sister. I came across an article written by a young lady named Erika Marie who told the story about them. When I first read it I was upset; not at her. I was upset that someone else was telling OUR family's story when I was unwilling to do so. As I read it over and over with my uncle, it became a source of inspiration and gave me the strength I needed to get up and finish what I'd started with this blog. I began to write again.
Erika took the time to write about our family and I am extremely grateful for her concern. (See article reference below).
DIGGING DEEP...
I've had to dig deep into places I'd not gone before. This has all caused me to have to deal with the weight of my emotions, which were HEAVY and the load of them, at first, seemed to be INSURMOUNTABLE... It ALL just seemed TOO BIG to embrace. But, I was up for the challenge.
HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT?
ONE BITE AT A TIME...
In my quest for answers, I had to find the strength to just keep writing...just keep moving...just keep trying. I did it by penning one word at a time, which eventually became a paragraph and developed into a draft and then this narrative began to fully unfold.
That's also how I began to understand my purpose. One step at a time...One day at a time. I came to realize my purpose and reason for existence is to help others by using ALL of my life experiences to show the world that YOU CAN MAKE IT! You can #KeepSoaring regardless of your situation or circumstance. It does not appear what we shall be, but we are ALL becoming and getting there day by day (I John 3:2). To be more and more a reflection of Christ in the Earth. I am becoming the completed work.
What’s In A Name?
Some say it’s your identity. Others say it’s WHO you are. Being in this season of self-discovery has been quite interesting. I’ve found that TRUE identity can only be found in our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ…not a religion…rather an experience with the true and Living God through a RELATIONSHIP with His Son.
For many years, I wondered who I was? What am I doing? Why am I here? Where am I going? And when will I get there??? I had no idea who Isha was nor what my name meant...
One day, while studying the Book of Genesis the second chapter, it was RIGHT THERE! Isha...WoMan!! In the Hebrew translation, Isha means Woman and Ish means Man.
"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man." Genesis 2:23
Why Isha?
My mother, Mytrle Ann (Green) Hudson, in all of her uniqueness, decided I should be called…Isha VonGretchen. The naming of a child is really a sacred thing. It speaks to who they are and their destiny. However, it wasn't until I reached my 40's that I realized the significance of a name. Although I've found out what "Isha" means, I now have to bring that name to life practically...
Which is how "Isha ~ I Am Woman" came to be.
THE PURPOSE
To *ENLIGHTEN the WoMan to her true potential as an agent of change for herself, first, then the world in which she has influence;
To *EMPOWER the WoMan as she discovers purpose;
To *EQUIP the WoMan with resources for emotional and behavioral health focusing on the affect of childhood trauma, abuse and neglect on adult behavior.
What an incredible assignment!
One of the biggest failures of my life was to become a divorcee. It is troubling to know that your name means that you should be a part of a man, but are now no longer as such. Can that be changed? Only God knows.
However, what I do know now is I’m not afraid anymore. No more false humility and pretending to be apologetic for being me…I have no more time to waste. I lay all of it down at the altar and allow God to be God, NOT ME... because He made me...I am Isha…I Am Woman!
*Reference
20 Years After the Disappearance of Myrtle Ann Hudson And the Murder of Her Teen Daughter, A Family Gets Answers" By Erika Marie